I'm Back

Well, I wasn't ever actually away, but I've spent the past several days playing a stay-at-home mom, and let me tell you - there's no time for eating bonbons, let alone blogging. It has been an interesting summer so far, doing this stay at home thing. On the one hand, I'm really glad we're doing it, because it keeps Sadie out of camp (which she hated) and gives me more time with both of them. It also lets me enjoy the summers (somewhat) in the same way I did as a kid...waking up, getting stuff together and hitting the beach every day.

On the other hand, though, I have to say, it has been hard. Really hard. It has confirmed what I always suspected about myself--I'm not cut out to be a stay-at-home mom. I love my children with everything I have, and I enjoy spending one on one time with them quite a lot. However, I really struggle when it is the two of them. They bicker and fight and there's always someone crying and I spend a lot of my time referreeing and, sadly, yelling. I have always prided myself on my ability to parent calmly, and to really enjoy the time I spend with them. I now realize that it is a piece of cake to be calm and enjoy them when your time with them is limited. The real test of one's mettle as a parent is spending 15 hours of nonstop 'togetherness' (my day yesterday).

Yesterday, we got home from the beach and I needed to pour myself a glass of wine before dinner. I really didn't like the person I was toward them. :( And, I wonder if I'm really doing them any favors by keeping them with me, after all. I think, for me, this feeling is compounded by the fact that not only am I with them for the entire time Evan is at work, but as soon as he gets home, he's off doing something (yesterday was yard work), so it is really all falling on me.

That's not to say that there haven't been a lot of fun times, as well, but somehow, it isn't the fun times that keep you up at night thinking about.

Anyway, my hat is off to all of the SAHMs and SAHDs who do it day in day out, all year long.