Revelation

Sadie and Evan were both sick for most of the weekend, so I had a lot of alone time with Eden. And, I've come to a revelation. I've been thinking for a while that Eden is in a really active and difficult to parent phase, and that is why it has been hard to be with both of them. Because I've had the opportunity to do things alone with Sadie, and they've been really easy and pleasant, I've been blaming Eden for my overwhelmedness (is that a word) when the three of of us go anywhere ("it is just hard now because Eden is into everything...").

Spending the days with her alone at the beach was a pleasure. She is easy and happy and not difficult to manage at all. She can sit and amuse herself with the sand toys for ages. I'm realizing that each of them is at their best when they have me to themselves, and that what is hard and overwhelming for me is simply the act of parenting two children who are competing for my attention. I feel so bad that I've haven't been able to recognize that. I think that I've been so focused on making sure that Sadie doesn't feel 'displaced' by her little sister, that I haven't really tuned in to the fact that Eden needs my undivided attention, too.

I've been sending Eden to the sitter's house one day a week so that I can have a day alone with Sadie. I'm going to start figuring out how to fit in more one on one time with Eden, as well.